It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
