If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
