Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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