That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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