That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize