when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
