i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
