im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it hurts more in the daytime
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
