I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
