she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
