You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
