nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
