walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
