How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
His nipple licking is glorious
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