chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
