she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
