I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
