im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
