Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
