i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
