How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
