I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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