we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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