Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
