Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
