fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
