Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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