think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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