it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
