I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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