i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
