You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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