I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
