THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
