Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
