The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Come on in and take your pants off
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