i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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