We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
