i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
