burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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