Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
