i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
