Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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