Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
