Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
