i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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