fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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