I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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