Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
