All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
