I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
