I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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