Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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