The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
