Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
