So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
