So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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