wanna go halves on a baby?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
