the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
