The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
