Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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