if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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