I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
