I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize
