Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
