i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize