The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
