I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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