I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize