I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
