I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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