But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
