I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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