he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
