no, he came in my armpit
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
